Vol. 47: The Long Threads That Make Us Human
In an age of instant answers, it’s the slow, unpredictable unfolding of relationships that shapes our lives.
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Dear Hungry Reader,
When I was in elementary school, I spent my summers going to “Dinosaur Camp” at the Albuquerque Museum of Natural History: aka, The Dinosaur Museum.
It was one of my favorite places. I can still recall the pathway through the museum—a journey through time—and how I’d rush to all my adored exhibits when my family visited.1
I don’t remember when I started going to Dinosaur Camp. It’s one of those things that just exists in my memory. There were classroom projects, hikes to New Mexico’s incredible natural wonders, and camping trips in the arid, starkly beautiful wilderness.
Moments stand out. Brief pops of memory bring me back to hikes between piñon trees, games of tag or minnows and sharks outside colonial Spanish ruins, and drives from Santa Fe to Albuquerque—first alone with my dad2 and later with my friend Ben.
The best part of Dinosaur Camp (besides calling it Dinosaur Camp) was going with Ben.
Early in the morning, my dad or Ben’s dad would drive us the hour along I-25 to the Dinosaur Museum. When Ben’s dad, David, drove us, he often wore a headset connected to his cellphone and talked most of the way.
As a child, I didn’t know what David did. All I knew was that Ben was very smart, so David must also be very smart.
As the years passed and Dinosaur Camp faded, Ben and David would pop in and out of my life.3 Through all of it, I had no idea what David did.
I didn’t even know when we hired him to consult with us at Experience Vinyl4 in 2017. All I knew was David gave my dad good business advice, and we needed (like desperately needed) a lot of advice.
At that point, I’d already been around coaching for two years. Nick had started mentoring me, we’d completed the first draft of The Men’s Group, and I’d become a coaching and personal development nerd. Building Experience Vinyl was fun, but I enjoyed talking with my co-founder Brad about our lives more than sourcing boxes for Carlos Santana’s favorite record.5
I still remember hanging up the phone the first time Brad and I talked with David and being struck by an insight: “David is a coach.”
Not only was he a coach. He was one of the founders of the coaching profession. He was at the forefront of an industry I stumbled into.
In the years since, David has gone from Ben’s dad who drove us to camp, and my father’s friend, to my mentor.
A conversation we had at the Hyatt Grand Central in 2018 catalyzed me to get certified and begin my journey as a coach.
His and the late David Peterson’s Accelerating Coaching Excellence program taught me more about coaching than any other training.
Our conversations have inspired me, humbled me, and filled me with the belief I could make it in this profession.
All of this makes those moments along I-25, joking with Ben in the backseat of David’s car while David almost certainly coached someone, ring differently.
At the time, I didn’t know the impact he would have on my life. And neither did he.
None of us know the impact anyone will have on our lives, especially in those early moments. It often takes years to recognize the threads hanging between us, separating and connecting in seemingly random ways that—if we could zoom out to see the tapestry—maybe aren’t so random.
I felt that keenly this week at the NYU Coaching & Technology Summit in New York—which is why I’m writing about it now :)
David was presenting. Having missed last year, I made sure to snag a ticket. I also knew my friend Tim Harrison would be presenting too.
Tim and I met inadvertently through David,6 and I was immediately wowed by this 22-year-old former Rice basketball player’s presence. He had that special thing you can’t put into words. As a young coach myself, I wanted to support him like others had supported me.
That launched a thread between us, as The Arena connected Tim to the man who would become board president of his non-profit—EPOG Academy7—and later to my friend Loren, who he teamed up with to bring a multi-million-dollar NIH grant to Rutgers to study coaching’s impact on underrepresented biomedical PhD students.8
That same thread led me to Forefront. Watching Tim thrive in and after the first cohort inspired me to apply, which has connected me with so many new threads that continue to unspool.9
In the age of AI—which we talked about a lot at the summit—we can get nearly instantaneous answers and help. But it’s often not the instantaneous that has the greatest impact.
It’s the long form.
The slow, unknowable unfolding of relationships across years and decades.
Sometimes you meet someone and just feel there’s something there. Something you can’t name or describe.
You don’t know if it’ll last a conversation or a lifetime, but you feel it all the same—an energetic thread, a human current that moves life along in powerful, unexpected ways.
It’s deciding to go to the bathroom at the summit and running into David as he exited the elevator.
It’s stopping someone from getting on the wrong subway train three times that somehow leads to a friendship.
It’s being drawn to someone at college and finding a mutual love of cooking that stretches a lifetime.
It’s reaching out to the only person you know in a new city and 11 years later being asked to be the best man at his wedding.
It’s picking up the phone, talking to a stranger, and feeling “I have to work with this person”—and that turning into mentorship, friendship, a book, a company, a changed life.
It’s all those experiences and so many more.
Unexplainable.
Unpredictable.
Unknown when they began.
That’s human.
So, as AI integrates into our lives, don’t forget the unknowable thing that makes us human. Don’t forget the threads that connect us. The subtle invitations to text or call someone, to hire the person who simply feels right, to take the walk even when you don’t want to.
You can’t predict what will unfold if you follow these threads. But something almost always does.
AI can’t feel them. You can. What are you feeling now?
Warmly,
Coach Jake
Today’s Beautiful Question
“What’s an example in your life when a relationship started as something and unexpectedly became something else entirely?”
Maximum Value Practice (MVP)
Take action at least one time in the next two weeks when you feel that intuitive invitation.
Go for the walk.
Go to the movie.
Talk to the person in the cafe.
Text your friend you haven’t spoken to in years.
Act on it and see what happens.
Reply to this email or message me in Substack to let me know how it goes!
Interested in checking out The Arena Men’s Group?
We’re having an open guest session on July 22 and already have 40 men coming!
Our goal is to gather as many men as we can to have a rich conversation and share what it’s like to be in The Arena.
With so many men experiencing loneliness and solitude, we’re opening our doors to the people in our communities to get recharged for a night. We’re also starting a second Arena Men’s Group in September, and this will be an opportunity for new men to get a taste of what we do. Who knows what threads will be created that night :)
July 22, 7-9:15pm ET on Zoom.
If you or a man you know is interested, reply to this email.
Here’s what three men have said about The Arena:
“The Arena has changed my life more than I could have imagined. I’ve let go of fear, anger, sadness, and regret and have been rewarded with a loving romantic relationship, deeper connections with my friends and family, and a community of men who support me when I falter and encourage me to continue growing.” - Andrew L.
“There are not many places in life where you are continuously encouraged to think differently, challenged to be a better human and surrounded by a supportive community of like-minded men trying to better themselves. The Arena has provided not only this but also a group of men that I consider some of my best friends. Without hesitation, I am a better man because of the Arena.” - Ronnie D.
“Joining the Arena Men’s Group has been a transformative experience that has profoundly impacted my journey towards becoming a better man. I’ve learned to embrace authenticity and vulnerability through open and honest discussions, shedding societal expectations to reveal my true self.” - Carlo G.
Recent Articles
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What I’m Reading
I read A LOT. Here’s what I’m reading and what I’ve read so far this year.
Currently Reading
A Drop of Corruption, by Robert Jackson Bennett
The Heart of Business, by Hubert Joly
I Don’t Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression, by Terrence Real
The Odyssey, by Homer & translated by Daniel Mendelsohn
Nine Friends: Maximizing Your Forum, by Vince Corsaro
Read in 2025
Crossing to Safety, by Wallace Stegner (An amazing novel about a writer from… New Mexico)
The Bringer of Dust, by J. M. Miro (The middle novel of a trilogy… and reads like one)
When We Were Young, by Richard Roper (Fun and moving)
Extinction, by Douglas Preston (Read it in a day… entertaining but predictable)
No More Mr. Nice Guy, by Dr. Robert Glover (Wish I read this 10 years ago)
The Lost Story, by Meg Shaffer (Very cute)
Men Who Hate Women—From Incels to Pickup Artists: The Truth about Extreme Misogyny and How It Affects Us All, by Laura Bates (Important, scary, and necessary)
The Lost Boy of Santa Chionia, by Juliet Grames (Loved this one)
King, Warrior, Magician, Lover, by Robert Moore & Doug Gillette (Thought provoking but dated)
White Nights, by Anne Cleeves (Again, fun for Shetland fans)
Raven Black, by Anne Cleeves (Fun for Shetland fans)
Bird by Bird, by Anne Lamott (Fantastic!)
Sparrow, by James Hynes (AMAZING! And one of the hardest reads ever)
The Stolen Queen, by Fiona Davis (Almost good)
Children of Ruin, by Adrian Tchaikovsky (Was excited for this sequel… didn’t do it for me)
Before the Coffee Gets Cold, by Toshikazu Kawaguchi (Cool premise)
The Bullet Swallower, by Elizabeth James Gonzalez (One of my new faves)
Children of Time, by Adrian Tchaikovsky (So interesting!)
There are Rivers in the Sky, by Elif Shafak (3/4 GREAT)
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Thank you!
Which felt like every week :)
It was on one of these drives where I first saw a prefabricated house and actually believed the house was moving on its own.
Ben and I went to high school together (along with Ben’s brother, Alex), and David, Ben, my dad, and I once shared a memorable winter break visit to Santa Fe Brewing Company.
Experience Vinyl was a vinyl of the month subscription company that partnered with famous rock stars to get their favorite albums pressed on limited edition vinyl. It was really cool and really financially unviable :) I learned a lot of what I teach my clients not to do today from building that business.
Sketches of Spain, by Miles Davis, for anyone interested. LOVE that album. We got it pressed on beautiful yellow and red vinyl… which our industry contacts didn’t tell us Barnes & Noble has recently done too. The vinyl nerds online were not happy.
David didn’t know Tim. David put me forward for an opportunity, and I met Tim through that. Tapestries can be complex.
Which stands for The Enjoyable Pain of Growth! I volunteered with EPOG when they launched their first program to support high school students with executive coaching.
Loren first talked about this dream in a Dudes of Disruption Men’s Group session in 2017 or 2018. Another long form tapestry in the making. I also got to be one of the coaches for this program. Unfortunately, with the cuts to the NIH, we’ve lost our funding.
Ron Carucci was also Tim’s mentor during his time in Forefront. The connections are endless!